COUPLES & SEX THERAPY

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If you're searching for couples therapy, couples counseling, or wondering whether your relationship could benefit from professional support, you're not alone.

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Couples come to me for all kinds of reasons. Some are adjusting to life after having a baby. Others are recovering from an affair or betrayal. Some struggle with communication, intimacy, finances, parenting, or difficult relationships with in-laws. Others simply feel more like roommates than romantic partners.

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In the simplest terms, couples therapy is what happens when two people experience tension in their relationship and invite a neutral third party—me—to help them better understand each other, reduce that tension, and move toward the relationship they both want to build.

As a couples therapist, you have to be ready for anything.

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We dive into deeply personal conversations with people I've often just met. Together, we explore your history, understand what's keeping you stuck, and establish a shared goal that all three of us are working toward. It's emotionally demanding work. Sessions can be tense, exhausting, heartbreaking, and incredibly rewarding—all in the same afternoon.

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What Happens During Couples Therapy?

Every couple's story is different, but my process is designed to help me understand both your relationship and each of you as individuals.

We begin with a 90-minute intake session where I learn about your relationship from the beginning. How did you meet? What made you fall in love? What strengths have helped your relationship survive? What challenges brought you to couples counseling today?

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After that, I'll meet individually with each partner. These individual sessions help me understand your family of origin, the relationship models you grew up with, and the experiences that shaped how you communicate, handle conflict, express affection, and build trust.

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One question I ask every client is:"What do YOU think YOU can change to improve your relationship?"

Notice I don't ask what your partner needs to change first. Healthy relationships aren't built by identifying the guilty party. They're built when each person becomes willing to examine their own patterns, behaviors, and choices. It takes two people to create a relationship, and lasting change usually requires both partners to participate in that process.

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Recovering From Betrayal, Affairs, and Broken Trust

Sometimes there is a clear catalyst that brings couples into therapy. An affair. A financial betrayal. Lying. Pornography. Broken promises. A significant breach of trust. When this happens, I draw heavily from the evidence-based Gottman Method to help couples begin repairing the relationship.

This may include writing a Letter of Impact, carefully exploring what happened, understanding how the betrayal affected each partner, and helping the partner who caused the hurt take meaningful accountability. I approach these conversations with empathy and compassion. But empathy is not the same as avoiding responsibility. Healing requires accountability.

If I repeatedly observe one partner denying, minimizing, or dismissing the pain they have caused, I will end couples therapy. A relationship cannot heal if one partner refuses to acknowledge reality or engage honestly in the repair process.

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What Does Accountability Actually Look Like?

One of the biggest misconceptions about couples therapy is that we're trying to determine who is right. We're not. I believe each person's experience has validity. Perception matters. In most relationship conflicts, there isn't one objective story and one wrong story. There are two subjective experiences that deserve to be understood. When couples experience a regrettable incident or conflict, our work often includes five areas of exploration.

Feelings

Before we solve the problem, we first understand the emotional experience. Why did you react the way you did? Was your response shaped by your family of origin? Work stress? Past relationships? Something your partner said? I also pay close attention to your body. Our nervous systems often tell us what we're feeling before our minds can explain it. Body awareness becomes an important part of understanding emotional reactions.

Reality

Next, we look at what is actually happening in your relationship. Not assumptions. Not mind reading. Not worst-case scenarios. What is the objective reality? How are household responsibilities divided? When was your last date? How often do you spend intentional time together? Sometimes couples realize they've been arguing about assumptions instead of examining what's actually happening.

Stimulus

Personally, I'm tired of the word "trigger." I prefer the word stimulus. I'm interested in understanding what happened that caused the interaction to escalate. What was the stimulus? Why did it matter? What meaning did your brain assign to that moment? Understanding the stimulus helps us respond differently the next time it happens.

Responsibility

Every partner has a role in the interaction. That doesn't mean every situation is 50/50. It means we take ownership of the parts that belong to us. Personal responsibility creates the possibility for meaningful change.

Constructive Plans

Finally, we ask: What do each of you need moving forward? What would help next time? How can you both respond differently? What small changes would move your relationship toward greater connection instead of greater distance?

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Sometimes the Problem Isn't Betrayal—It's Avoidance

Not every couple comes to therapy after a major crisis. Many couples simply stop talking about difficult topics. They avoid conversations about money. Sex. Parenting. Resentment. Future goals. Instead of addressing tension, they distract themselves and hope things improve on their own. Unfortunately, avoidance almost never strengthens a relationship. You're married. Your finances are intertwined. If you're in a monogamous relationship, this is the person you hope to share physical intimacy with for the rest of your life. Your employer gives you annual performance reviews. Teams evaluate projects. Businesses review what's working and what isn't. Yet many couples never intentionally evaluate the most important relationship in their lives.

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Part of my role as a couples therapist is helping partners who naturally avoid conflict learn how to have those difficult conversations safely, respectfully, and productively.

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Relationships Rarely End Because of One Big Fight

Relationships rarely end because of one terrible fight. They don't usually collapse because of one forgotten anniversary, one harsh comment, or one night sleeping on the couch. Disconnection is almost never caused by one singular event. More often, it is a death by a thousand paper cuts. It's all the times I asked you to help with dinner, but you didn't. All the times I reached for your hand, and you didn't notice. All the evenings you looked at your phone instead of looking at me. All of the mornings we rushed past each other without saying goodbye. All the conversations we kept telling ourselves we'd have "later." Each moment feels small. Almost insignificant on its own. But relationships aren't built on grand gestures. They're built on ordinary moments that happen every single day.

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Your Relationship Is Like a Houseplant

Now imagine someone gave you a beautiful houseplant on your wedding day. For the first few months, you water it regularly. You place it in the sunlight. You admire it. Maybe you even take pictures of it. Then life gets busy. You have children. Someone changes jobs. A parent gets sick. You stop dating each other because you're simply trying to survive. One person starts feeling lonely but doesn't know how to say it. Slowly, you notice the leaves beginning to droop. Not because you deliberately neglected the plant. Not because you wanted it to die. But because caring for it slowly stopped becoming intentional. 

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Relationships are remarkably similar. You don't wake up one morning with a dying marriage. You wake up after thousands of tiny moments when neither of you realized your relationship needed care. The encouraging news is that the opposite is also true. Connection isn't created by one expensive vacation, one bouquet of flowers, or one perfect date night.

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Connection is an intentional choice.

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It isn't simply a feeling. It's an action. Every single day, couples have hundreds—perhaps thousands—of opportunities to move toward each other or away from each other. To listen or dismiss. To become curious or defensive. To express appreciation or criticism. To reach for connection or retreat into isolation. Like compound interest, these small choices accumulate over time. Tiny daily investments create extraordinary relational growth. Tiny moments of neglect slowly create emotional distance. This is why I believe there is no such thing as a stagnant relationship. Every relationship is either growing or dying. The question isn't whether your relationship is changing. The question is: Which direction are your daily choices taking it? That, more than anything else, is what couples therapy is about.

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Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, struggling with communication, feeling emotionally disconnected, or simply want to build a healthier relationship before problems become overwhelming, couples therapy can help.

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You don't have to wait until your relationship is falling apart to ask for support. If you think your relationship could benefit from having a neutral guide, I'd love to help.

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Book a couples therapy consultation today, and let's begin building the relationship you both want.